Well. Yesterday would have been our 5 year anniversary. Hm. And next Thursday will be the 3 month anniversary of us breaking up. This is probably not healthy to be thinking about. Don't worry, I'm not counting the days or anything...it's just interesting to go back and think about the time in actual units. 3 months. I can't decide if it sounds like a long time, or no time at all. I can't decide if it feels like it either. Guess it doesn't matter. I just have to keep truckin'.
Tonight's my last night in Polk County for a while; heading out to the Outer Banks with my mom and Jamie to camp for a week and then head straight up to New York to move me back in. I guess I'm looking forward to going back. Getting away from everything that's so close and full of memories and going back to the familiarity of school and a schedule and being too busy to think. I am so terrified of this coming year. Terrified and excited. Since it's me I can't help but think ahead to the end of the year...to when I'll be done with school. When I have to go out into the real world. Get a Job. Find a House/Apt. Make Money. Pay back Loans. Well. That stuff will happen no matter what. I'm going to try not to stress too much about it. Try and focus on just getting through the first semester alive.
I am so psyched about having my own room. I really enjoyed it this summer, and I think it'll be even nicer this year, to be able to work on my schedule and be alone when I want to. Hopefully I won't get tooooo secluded though. At least I have friends that I can visit when I feel like being around people. Ok, time to head to bed I guess. Got a lot of driving to do in the morning. Looking forward to it though! :)
8.23.2008
8.22.2008
8.20.2008
Dream
I just woke up from the scariest dream... Apparently I was in Columbia, driving next to the lake. The lake was pretty small though, more like a pond. As I was driving past it (the road came pretty close to the edge) I looked into the water and saw a HUGE alligator. I thought to myself, DAMN, that's a huge alligator. Before I'd even finished that thought I was suddenly out of my car, it was still there though, and skimming across the grass in a very shallow canoe-like thing.
Everything in me was screaming "DON'T GO IN THE WATER!! PLEASE GOD DON'T MAKE ME GO IN THE WATER!!!" Of course, I promptly skim across the water, right next to the huge gator. Lucky for me there were dock-like things in the water, otherwise I wouldv'e been gator food immediately since the huge gator had come to investigate what was skimming across the water next to him. Unlucky for me, a lot of the docks were not high enough out of the water to keep me safe from the gators.
I very quickly swam to the closest dock and ran down to the end of it, with the gator coming up behind. He was gaining. I made a huge leap onto another dock thing that was taller, but the alligator to get to that one too...so I kept running and jumping until I could find something that would keep me safe from the gators. I had dropped my phone in the water when trying to get away from the gator, so I couldn't even call anyone for help.
The huge alligator eventually lost interest, but pretty soon some others picked up where he left off...it was exhausting, let me tell you. Then, because I didn't have enough to worry about, Jamie happens to drive by, sees me out there with the alligators and, of COURSE, jumps into the water to come towards me. Because that was the logical thing to do. Not call for help from safety. No. Jump in to be with me. Anyway, she jumped in, right next to an alligator, and is still coming up for air and to get her bearings when the alligator starts to come towards her. I'm screaming, "SWIM JAMIE!! SWIM!!!!" The alligator is right on top of her and she keeps hitting it and trying to swim away. She somehow makes it to the small dock and books it down towards where I'm sitting. The alligator is chasing her.
Somehow we both end up sitting together above the gators, but not very far above them...if they tried really really hard, they could get us. At least Jamie has had the foresight to still have her phone, so we call for help. Unfortunately, it's getting dark, and we're not relishing the thought of trying to stay away from these alligators when we can't even see them or the things that will help us stay away from them.
We end up very near the edge (not quite near enough though) when my dad and some other guys come running down the bank towards us. They've brought two horses to carry us out. Jamie's horse is nice and fast and comfortable. My horse on the other hand, made for a terrifying experience. First, I couldn't really get on the horse from above; I ended up on backwards and I had to turn around somehow. Of course all of the action had attracted more alligators and they were closing in fast. The horse was just standing there. I'm screaming, "RUN! RUN! I DON'T WANT TO BE EATEN NOW!!"
I have to kick one alligator away and finally the horse starts running. We make it out of the water and onto the bank, but we can't stop there, because the alligators can come up onto the bank. We jump over a small staircase and end up falling down, me trying to slide away to not land on the horse. I end up landing on Jamie's horse instead. Whatever...at least we were all safe.
Holy crap, it was very very real and fuckin' TERRIFYING! Just thought I'd share.
Everything in me was screaming "DON'T GO IN THE WATER!! PLEASE GOD DON'T MAKE ME GO IN THE WATER!!!" Of course, I promptly skim across the water, right next to the huge gator. Lucky for me there were dock-like things in the water, otherwise I wouldv'e been gator food immediately since the huge gator had come to investigate what was skimming across the water next to him. Unlucky for me, a lot of the docks were not high enough out of the water to keep me safe from the gators.
I very quickly swam to the closest dock and ran down to the end of it, with the gator coming up behind. He was gaining. I made a huge leap onto another dock thing that was taller, but the alligator to get to that one too...so I kept running and jumping until I could find something that would keep me safe from the gators. I had dropped my phone in the water when trying to get away from the gator, so I couldn't even call anyone for help.
The huge alligator eventually lost interest, but pretty soon some others picked up where he left off...it was exhausting, let me tell you. Then, because I didn't have enough to worry about, Jamie happens to drive by, sees me out there with the alligators and, of COURSE, jumps into the water to come towards me. Because that was the logical thing to do. Not call for help from safety. No. Jump in to be with me. Anyway, she jumped in, right next to an alligator, and is still coming up for air and to get her bearings when the alligator starts to come towards her. I'm screaming, "SWIM JAMIE!! SWIM!!!!" The alligator is right on top of her and she keeps hitting it and trying to swim away. She somehow makes it to the small dock and books it down towards where I'm sitting. The alligator is chasing her.
Somehow we both end up sitting together above the gators, but not very far above them...if they tried really really hard, they could get us. At least Jamie has had the foresight to still have her phone, so we call for help. Unfortunately, it's getting dark, and we're not relishing the thought of trying to stay away from these alligators when we can't even see them or the things that will help us stay away from them.
We end up very near the edge (not quite near enough though) when my dad and some other guys come running down the bank towards us. They've brought two horses to carry us out. Jamie's horse is nice and fast and comfortable. My horse on the other hand, made for a terrifying experience. First, I couldn't really get on the horse from above; I ended up on backwards and I had to turn around somehow. Of course all of the action had attracted more alligators and they were closing in fast. The horse was just standing there. I'm screaming, "RUN! RUN! I DON'T WANT TO BE EATEN NOW!!"
I have to kick one alligator away and finally the horse starts running. We make it out of the water and onto the bank, but we can't stop there, because the alligators can come up onto the bank. We jump over a small staircase and end up falling down, me trying to slide away to not land on the horse. I end up landing on Jamie's horse instead. Whatever...at least we were all safe.
Holy crap, it was very very real and fuckin' TERRIFYING! Just thought I'd share.
8.18.2008
Got back from the beach Friday. It was amazing...so good to get away. Of course, as soon as we got back, the stress levels went through the roof...typical. In a way I'm looking forward to getting back to school. I'm terrified of course, but ready to get back to some sort of routine. Move on to new things to hopefully forget old things. We'll see. In the meantime, here are some pics from the vacation:
8.05.2008
It's hard being home. I knew it would be, but I'm hoping the benefits and the good things outweigh the negatives and the painfulness.. It's like a huge part of my life was ripped out...which it kinda was....and now I'm visiting the empty hole which is still unsteady and bleeding. (Damn I love my weird metaphors) Everywhere I turn I'm hit with a memory of something. Every person I see I am reminded.
It's also funny to talk to Nicole and hear about how her life is going - being engaged, finishing school, getting a job, buying a house. I am so happy for her. At the same time, it kinda freaks me out...I was feeling decently secure about certain aspects of my future, and then things change. And now there's only one more year until I'm out in the world. Who knows what will happen; what will change during this year. Stay tuned. :)
It's also funny to talk to Nicole and hear about how her life is going - being engaged, finishing school, getting a job, buying a house. I am so happy for her. At the same time, it kinda freaks me out...I was feeling decently secure about certain aspects of my future, and then things change. And now there's only one more year until I'm out in the world. Who knows what will happen; what will change during this year. Stay tuned. :)
Well, I'm home now. Got back about 10pm Saturday night. I had a great time with Dad and Donna in NYC...too bad they can't stay around..or at least leave their credit card. :) We met up with an old student of Donna's and it turns out she works at an advertising agency in the city. Draftfcb!! She's an account manager, and told me to definitely stay in touch! So I made a contact! Yay.
In other news, today we poured the concrete for the shop that my dad is finally starting on - pictures should hopefully be up soon. Dad has been planning to build this thing for 21 years so it's pretty cool that we're finally getting started on it. Was a lot of work though - and messy too! Phew!
Anywho..can't wait to go see my aunt and uncle this weekend and then head to the beach for a week! Hurrah! :) Hopefully I can get a tan and come back to New York looking better than I left it. Time to start a new year.
In other news, today we poured the concrete for the shop that my dad is finally starting on - pictures should hopefully be up soon. Dad has been planning to build this thing for 21 years so it's pretty cool that we're finally getting started on it. Was a lot of work though - and messy too! Phew!
Anywho..can't wait to go see my aunt and uncle this weekend and then head to the beach for a week! Hurrah! :) Hopefully I can get a tan and come back to New York looking better than I left it. Time to start a new year.
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